My four years: living and learning

Four years!

It’s my fourth year at Baylor, fourth year in the ECS-LLC, the fourth year that the ECS-LLC has been in existence… that any LLC at Baylor has been in existence.

I’ve been so blessed to be a part of this wonderful program and wonderful group of people. What started as a small group of individuals on a few floors of two different buildings in the North Village has grown and bloomed into an organization that fosters student success not only in education, but also in the broader spectrums of life.

This success stems from the people in the LLC; it’s filled with students, staff, and faculty that are genuinely interested in how students are doing as they walk through school and through life.

I’ve seen it firsthand by having those people help me. When I came into college, I had no idea how to study. I’d spent all of high school finishing my homework before I even came home and just needing to only briefly go over material before a test.

College changed all that.

Suddenly that type of preparation for school was not enough. I realized that I was struggling and knew that I needed help. So, I went to my new college family, the ECS-LLC, and found a professor within that family. She sat down with me and helped me draw out a plan for how to study and talked about the best ways to succeed in college. After following the program we came up with, I began to do a lot better in college studies. This professor has been a part of the ECS-LLC since inception and has become a part of it in more ways than just helping out from her office. She has become an even stronger part of the family - now she lives here! Right next door to students! That’s the personal interest that people here have in helping students.

Another way that the ECS-LLC helps people is tutoring. The ECS-LLC started a tutoring program after it realized that students needed a way to help them understand the difficult problems that arise out of our studies. Nearly any day of the week anyone can walk to the Heritage Academic Commons and receive help on any subject from computer science to engineering, even subjects as far away from ECS as proofing an English paper. But, in addition to this formal time of help, there are many that just help out whenever it is needed.

My freshmen year, when I needed help with my physics and calculus, I didn’t have to go over to the math building and find someone like so many others have to do. I just had to yell down the hall or walk next door. The other day, I was walking down the hall to do laundry and on the way back was stopped by someone who needed help on a computer program that they were writing. I gladly offered my assistance to help him understand what was going on and why the program wasn’t working. In two shakes of a lamb's tail, he fixed his program, thanked me, and I went merrily on my way.

A bit later, I thought more about it. For the last two years I had witnessed myself, along with many others, making similar small help-contributions to others within the ECS-LLC. We had started doing the same exact thing that others before us had done - helping the other students in classes we had already taken.

Now, that discovery was something that I think is truly amazing. The people that were in the ECS-LLC at its foundation, the people that were receiving help from others in the beginning had begun to complete the cycle by helping the newer students.

As a group, the members of the ECS-LLC created a self-sustaining cycle of student success. The upper-classification students help the lower-classification students, then the upperclassmen graduate and the lowerclassmen advance, and begin the cycle over again by teaching the incoming students.

That is exactly what living and learning is and should be about: People, working together to create success within themselves and others.

Carl Mehner graduates with a computer science degree this May. He is also engaged and getting married in August.

I used to think community was easy

I was at the Brooks College Master's Tea a few weeks ago and the guest was Dr. Frank Shushok, who was sharing some insights from a soon to be published article on the subject of friendship. You can read an excerpt on the Campus Living & Learning blog.

At some point he posed a question which I don't particularly remember, but my answer has stuck with me. "I used to think community was easy."

Tonight, I awoke to a phone call at 2:45am. There had been an incident of vandalism in my building, with a clear message (literally) that one of our efforts at facilitating community was being overridden by this student who was choosing convenience.

Standing in the silent quad of this beautiful new building at 3:30am after the police officers had left, I was consumed with thoughts about the incident and motivations. Honestly, I was also vacillating between anger and disgust, ultimately settling on disappointment. Then the comment from several weeks ago hit me with the full force of its meaning: community is not easy.

It takes effort. It is often inconvenient.

Lots of thoughts about this are still rolling around in my head and I can't make them gel at 4:45am, but here is a stream of consciousness: I think about going out of your way to include and invite people to be a part of a community. The effort it takes to bring people out of their shells, to get to know people who are different. Getting involved in people's lives takes time and does not always coordinate with your schedule. You have to move beyond being self-centered and look at the big picture. You have to be involved. It takes initiative, other people can't do it for you. You sometimes have to go out of your way.

These are just some thoughts as I am starting to fade. Maybe I can get a little more sleep after being woken up, which was definitely inconvenient, but I am committed to this community, as are eleven community leaders, our Faculty Master and his family, staff and faculty from around Baylor, and many, many students...

Larry Correll-Hughes is director of Brooks Residential College. He is also a soon-to-be father.

Where in the world is Cole Casper?

As a Community Leader and Baylor fanatic, it was a very hard decision to decide to study abroad. I wanted to stay at Baylor so badly that I didn’t believe it would actually happen. Believe it or not, here I am! It is now 18h04 (6:04pm) in France and 11h04 (11:04am) in the United States. My family members miss me and keep in contact through my daily blog and e-mail. I talk to at least one of them every day. I miss them, my friends, and Baylor, but I wouldn’t trade this opportunity for the world!

Last night I had dinner with a pastor’s family and a group of students from a local Baptist church here in Caen. The entire night was full of laughter and fellowship. Every once in a while I would turn to one of my American friends and say something in English, but for the most part, I was speaking French the entire time. It was something of which I could have only previously dreamed. It was me, in France, with Francophones, in a Christian atmosphere full of joy. I never thought that I would be able to express myself in French like I can in English until I experienced this night. At one point it was just me telling a story to seventeen people all listening attentively. Was this actually happening? Could these people actually understand me? YES! They could! They were laughing! It’s a miracle! Only God could bring me out of my comfort zone, to a country in the middle of Europe where I CAN speak the language.

This semester our Baylor Basketball teams are on fire and I’m missing it! I knew that there was a possibility that this would happen. That’s why one year ago I had a conversation with my hall director. I was having mixed feelings about studying abroad because I knew how much I would be giving up at Baylor to live in France for a semester. She told me that she wasn’t about to let me stay at Baylor for a semester and listen to me complain about the opportunity I could have had to be in France. She was right. I would have been screaming my head off in the Bear Pit at the Ferrell Center every weekend, but I would have been miserable. Thanks Sharia! (Mom, please don’t hurt her for talking me into it!)

I may have only been here for three weeks, but my life has been rocked! Imagine a way of life totally different than the one you’re used to living! Imagine walking down the street and seeing men and women hauling long loaves of bread to their home! C’est marrant, as the French would say. Imagine speaking another language that has gender for objects like boat and table! Imagine yourself at Baylor for the first time, trying to make friends, but being afraid that you might be made fun of for your American accent. Let me just say; when I return to Baylor, there had better not be a single foreign exchange student sitting alone in the cafeteria! I’ve been there! I’ve done that! It’s not easy, nor is it fun! Life is filled with ups and downs, but for every down, there is an up twice as long. Every day is a new experience! Every week I’m a new person. Every month… (We’ll have to wait and see!)

Tonight I have two friends coming to visit my French Family and me for dinner. I have been so blessed to be placed in a Christian French home where I’m treated like another member of the family! Just now my French mother offered her home for my parents to come and visit during the month of April. Who does that? She also said that she would keep the refrigerator stocked in case we get hungry. She said all of that in French!

I can’t wait to come back to the states to share all of the amazing experiences that I have and will have had, but I am sure going to miss France! I’ve already had two dreams where I was back in the States. They were cold dreams that made me thank the Lord that I woke up in France! I don’t know what He has planned for me for the next three months, but if there’s one thing that’s for certain, He has plans and they are big! Stay tuned! www.cole-en-france.blogspot.com

Living & Learning for Friendship

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship lately; what it is, where I learned about it, and how it comes to fruition. In the summer of 2006, I picked up a copy of the Dallas Morning News and encountered an article detailing a recently released study published in the American Sociological Review that found that Americans report having only two close friends, down from three close friends when a similar study was completed in 1985. The most discouraging news of all, however, was that the study found that a quarter of Americans say they have no other person with whom they can talk about important things (i.e., a real friend). This is double the number of people who said the same in 1985.

This is the increasingly “friendless” culture from which our students hail. You can imagine the reasons we should be concerned? A friendless society is lonely, and lonely people suffer an existence apart from one of the important ways God forms us—through others. Dietrich Bonhoeffer says it well: “Being free means being free for the other because the other has bound me to him. Only in relationship with the other am I free.” Our stories, for sure, are meant to be told, heard, and retold once again.

But what is friendship? As of this month, I’m approaching 300 friends on Facebook. I, like so many others, no doubt use the term loosely! Aristotle describes three kinds of friendship. The last and most rare is a mutual commitment to the shared conception of the good human life. He seems to describe those special relationships that encompass common moral commitments, an uncanny willingness to seek the best in, and for, a friend. And, these friendships come with permanence, a commitment for the long-haul, through thick and thin. I’ve been questioning . . . How many relationships like this do I have? How about you?

For many students, college life has served to facilitate the exploration of amorous relationships and often marks the beginning of the journey toward marriage. Our culture teaches us that marriage requires significant investment, discernment, and self-reflection in order to understand personal expectations and moral philosophy. Students seem to understand that making this type of commitment has far-reaching implications for life beyond college. Perhaps friendships of the non-amorous sort need to be considered with the same seriousness. Understanding that significant life-changing relationships of all kinds require sacrifice is important. A colleague recently joked that the only sort of relationship more challenging than those of the romantic kind are the non-romantic. If this is true, and I believe it is, students must be presented with appropriate expectations—that friendships of the best kind require work and sacrifice.

Of course, commitment to marriage these days seems to be waning. Life-long friendship, according to the sociological data, appears to be less prevalent. What if we were more intentional in understanding friendship; marking them with commitment in overt ways, and expecting hard times along the way?
The Waco Chamber of Commerce recently endorsed a book with hopes of stirring a year-long conversation. The book, Same Kind of Different as Me, tells the true to life story of friendship between Ron Hall, a white, wealthy art dealer and Denver Moore, a black, poor, homeless man. One particular conversation in the book stirred my emotion in an unexpected way.

After being introduced to each other, Ron Hall casually suggested he and Moore could be “friends.” Days later, the following conversation took place as detailed on pages 106 and 107.

He [Denver] stared down at the steam rolling up from his coffee cup. “I been thinkin a lot about what you asked me.”

I had no idea what he was talking about. “What did I ask you?”

“’Bout bein your friend.”

My jaw dropped an inch. I’d forgotten that when I told him at the Cactus Flower Café that all I wanted from him was his friendship, he’d said he’d think about it. Now, I was shocked that anyone would spend a week pondering such a question. While the whole conversation had slipped my mind, Denver had clearly spent serious time preparing his answer.

He looked up from his coffee, fixing me with one eye, the other squinted like Clint Eastwood. “There’s something I heard ‘bout white folks that bothers me, and it has to do with fishin.”

He was serious and I didn’t dare laugh, but I did try to lighten the mood a bit. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to help you,” I said, smiling. “I don’t even own a tackle box.”

Denver scowled, not amused. “I think you can.”

He spoke slowly and deliberately, keeping me pinned with that eyeball, ignoring the Starbucks groupies coming and going on the patio around us.

“I heard that when white folks go fishin they do something called ‘catch and release.’”

Catch and release? I nodded solemnly, suddenly nervous and curious at the same time.

“That really bothers me,” Denver went on. “I just can’t figure it out. ‘Cause when colored folks go fishin, we really proud of what we catch, and we take it and show it off to everybody that’ll look. Then we eat what we catch…in other words, we use it to sustain us. So it really bothers me that white folks would go to all that trouble to catch a fish, then when they done caught it, just throw it back in the water.”

He paused again, and the silence between us stretched a full minute. Then: “Did you hear what I said?”

I nodded, afraid to speak, afraid to offend.

Denver looked away, searching the blue autumn sky, then locked onto me again with that drill-bit stare. “So, Mr. Ron, it occurred to me: If you is fishin for a friend you just gon catch and release, then I ain’t got no desire to be your friend.”

The world seemed to halt in midstride and fall silent around us like one of those freeze-frame scenes on TV. I could hear my heart pounding and imagined Denver could see it popping my breast pocket up and down. I returned Denver’s gaze with what I hoped was a receptive expression and hung on.

Suddenly his eyes gentled and he spoke more softly than before: “But if you is look for a real friend, then I’ll be one. Forever.”

Denver has seen something we’ve experienced all too often—friends that come in the good times and go in the bad.

So here’s an idea (and one that I’ll share in greater depth in a forthcoming article in About Campus): Maybe teaching friendship should be a more intentional part of the curriculum in a college or university? Perhaps there wouldn’t be so many lonely people out there—and in here? Perhaps residence halls, especially, provide a particularly effective venue, a learning laboratory if you will, for establishing friendships of a special kind that transcend our days and change our world in most unexpected ways.

Can we teach friendship? Might you join me in thinking about this more?


References
Aristotle. (2004). The Nicomachean Ethics. (J.A.K. Thomson, Trans.). New York: Penguin.
Bonhoeffer, Dietrich (1959). Creation and the fall/temptation: Two Biblical Studies. (J. Fletcher & E. Bethge, Trans.). New York: Macmillian.
Hall, Ron & Moore, Denver (2006). Same Kind of Difference as Me. Nashville: Thomas Nelson.
McPherson, M., Smith-Lovin, L. & Brashears, M. (2006). Social Isolation in America: Changes in Core Discussion Networks Over Two Decades. American Sociological Review, pages 353-375.

Dr. Frank Shushok is Dean for Student Learning & Engagement. An article he wrote on friendship will be published in About Campus later this year.

“Twick o Tweat!”

This was the newest phrase that our 21 month old son Zachary learned last week—thanks to the residents of Hogwarts School of . . . I mean Brooks College.

The residents of Brooks College truly outdid themselves preparing the residence hall for Trick or Treat night. Starting at Platform 9 and ¾ at the King’s Cross station, through the Sorting Hat, and up to the four houses—Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff—it was a magical transformation.

There are definitely some Harry Potter scholars among the residents at Brooks. I’m sure that there are many details that I missed as I was chasing Zachary down the halls. Luckily I’ve got it all on film! The moving staircase signs, Snape’s potions lounge, Crabbe and Goyle’s rooms, the Tri-Wizard Cup proudly displayed, the Gray Lady passing out candy, the advertisements for Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, Professor Sprout’s herbology class, the rack of broomsticks, and perhaps my favorite—Sirius’s head in the fireplace!

While Zachary didn’t really know what was going on when we started, he quickly learned that those three magic words brought him lots of gifts. By the time we got to the second floor, he was performing on demand.

Since we have a hard enough time getting him to eat anything but Os (as those of you who join us in the Great Hall know all too well), he will likely not get to eat very much of the candy. But for him that wasn’t really the point. He felt loved, and he felt at home—as do we.

Thanks for a great night!


Michele Henry is a professor in Baylor's School of Music and faculty-in-residence in Brooks Residential College.

Returning home

Loud. Obnoxious neighbors. Huge electric bills. And above all, parking!

These were the everyday problems I faced living off campus. After one week in an apartment, I wanted nothing more than to be back in my residence hall.

The convenience of being right on campus takes away the stress I felt fighting for a parking spot each morning. I spend most of my time on campus, why spend all my time driving to it? I can jump out of bed and walk to class within a few minutes. If I did not get enough exercise walking to class, I can step outside and, instantly, I am on the Bear Trail!

There’s a sense of community in the halls. Where else can I leave my room and say hello to twenty of my closest friends? Need help with homework? There’s always someone who can help in the residence hall. I will never forget waiting twenty minutes for fresh cookies with my roommate in Memorial, or brushing my teeth with my suitemate. These are the memories that will stay with me forever!

My favorite thing about living on campus happens in the early evening just as the sun descends, as I walk back from the library. The air is crisp, there are few students out walking, and the lightning bugs flicker in the evening sky. A feeling of peace comes over the campus that contrasts the daily traffic of frantic students running to class.

At that moment, I realize how lucky I am to be at Baylor University.


Katy Chenoweth is a junior at Baylor University studying Classics, as well as a student worker for Campus Living & Learning. After spending a year off-campus, she now lives in Dawson Hall.

When she grows up, Katy wants to be a university professor.

A student's take on the first Brooks dinner

As we waited in line for the Brooks College Sunday Dinner, our anticipation began to build. What would the meal be? What honored guests would attend? As my card was swiped and I entered the Great Hall, I knew this was something special!

The tables had been beautifully set with great care – just for us. We found our seats, and out of respect for our community – and President Lilley, Dub Oliver, and the other guests - remained standing until everyone had found a place at a table. Faculty Master Henry led us in prayer, blessing the food and praying for us to unite, to become a community, a family.

Those seated at the corners of each table stood and brought the meal to the rest of us and, like a family, we served each other. The food was delicious, but the best part of the meal was serving others. It was an incredible opportunity to meet new people, and to put their needs above my own. Rather than a hurried, fit-between-my-classes experience, this was a leisurely, relaxed affair, with great conversation.

Of all my memories of Baylor so far, Brooks’ Sunday Dinner is one of my absolute favorites!

Jennifer Groves is a Baylor sophomore majoring in psychology.